BrideGroom-Proud to LOVE


“I was on my way to the funeral with my mom,” Bitney told HuffPost Live in the above clip, “and I received a phone call from one of his relatives letting me know that if I tried to show up his father and uncle were going to attack me… I know that grief can cause people to do things they wouldn’t normally do. But I never imagined that [his mother] would try to erase me from existence.”

i am not a movie critic by all means but Cheryl and I watched this long awaited documentary about Shane and Tom last night on NetFlix and must say bravo and well done. 

Helmed by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, this illuminating documentary chronicles the story of Shane Bitney Crone, who finds himself shut out and deprived of the legal protections of marriage after his same-sex partner dies in a tragic accident.

The movie started from this YouTube video…

and has been made into a full feature length documentary.  Something like this seriously pains me to watch.  Two men who were in love, one dies and the other due to lack of legal “protection” and rights is alienated from his partners death and funeral. The were not MARRIED.


I really hope anyone on the fence about gay marriage will actually watch this.  Millions have but I wonder if the millions who need to watch this the most will take the chance an risk to learn that no matter who you are “the moment you learn the love of your life has died” the grief and pain should be enough.  But no…in this film Shane’s grief and shock are compounded by the laws of some states that prohibit gays to married therefore denying them any legal partnership pertaining decision making at death, rights to visit in a hospital due to lack of next of kin status and then to have his partner’s family denounce Shane as if he never existed as part of Tom’s life for over 6 years was almost too painful to comprehend. 

In Canada as a nation it was decided years ago that gay people can married.  Oh trust me there are many opponents to the freedom of the right to choose still up here.  Canada also has strong common law rights which would have also allowed Shane the right to everything about Tom in life and death. 

See How ridiculous judgment can be?
See How ridiculous judgment can be?

Despite all the support Shane got from his friends and family, I think the hardest part for me, Leslie was when the hospital almost stuck with their decision for Shane not to be allow to view Tom in his hospital room after he was declared dead.  I used to take such pride when I moved here to Canada from New York to learn the rights of common law especially for gay people.  I used to LOVE having to tell my ICU that the next of kin was someone like Shane that would act on behalf of our patient.  Known as a Temporary Substitute Decision Maker in BC, Canada.  Any partnership no matter what colour or gender has rights up here. 

If you watch this movie, Tom’s parents including his mother should be held accountable for inhumane behaviour based on HATRED of their son not pride.  Hiding behind religion to justify homophobia and hatred of people is out done in 2013.  I am all for the right to be who you want to be but when it comes to overt judgement which to me in this case equates to just ignorant hatred, that in itself should be deemed illegal.

Watch the video no mater what your stance is on GAY MARRIED…it’s truly a remarkable love story with a tragic ending that was made even more tragic by societal rejection as well as family.  Have tissues available it is a tear jerk-er. 


Author: advgrrl

Avid ADV rider! This Blog is all about the adventure in adventure riding. Researching new bikes, routes, accessories, learning about other riders and hopefully a great place for others to comment and explore with me. PLUS, up and down's, wildlife, my dogs, my life!

5 thoughts on “BrideGroom-Proud to LOVE”

  1. I’ve never could understand how a parents love for their child could change just because their child is gay. I would say these parents never truly loved their child if that is all it takes for love to turn into disgust.
    Why as a parent would you not want to have the love of your child’s life there knowing that is what your child would have wanted.
    I know it is just a movie but unfortunately I’m sure it plays out all too often in real life.
    My wife and I will be watching the movie tonight on your recommendation.

    1. I won’t ruin anything for you but you will indeed be surprised as to the influence that Tom’s dad had on his mother…which is even more disturbing to be honest. Let us know what you think after you watch the entire 79 mins.

      1. Just finished watching the documentary. Yes, tears were shed. Tom’s father will have to live with fact that he never accepted that his son was gay when he was alive and now that he is gone will never have the chance to make amends. Although it is unlikely he ever would have anyway from his reaction upon leaning Tom was gay.

        More people should really watch this but unfortunately the ones that really could learn from this will not check it out because of their beliefs.
        Although it was hard to watch because it was so sad I am glad I did.

  2. Leslie – a thoughtful write-up, I’ve not seen the film but found your comments about your hospital encouraging. I’m glad that things are starting to move in the right direction – hospitals out here have much the same policy, the partner isn’t even given a second thought regardless of their gender etc. In 9 years at hospital where I work, I’ve not heard of a single reported incident of discrimination based on sexual preference and in our ICU/CCU the clinicians show the same compassion regardless. I feel very proud to work for an organisation that sees sexual preference in much the same way as eye colour – a non issue.

    This culture is no doubt reinforced by the fact the hospital is the largest HIV research centre in Europe. The clinical lead is the same Prof who made the first HIV diagnosis in the UK in the early 80s when it was still considered a gay disease – and they are getting closer to a cure daily. That’s not to say it’s all unicorns and rainbows in the UK – there is still a vocal minority whinging, but this is increasingly being met with disgust from the majority. You encounter groups of friends of all sexualities/races/genders etc out together, from tradies (builders etc) to City workers (bankers etc). You (and Cheryl) may find this article about the Met interesting –

    France is interesting – culturally matters of the bedroom are not discussed or assumed with people you don’t know – when you travel with a companion of the same (or opposite) sex and check into a hotel, you are simply asked whether you want a double bed or two singles and that is the end of the matter.

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